(WARNING – THIS POST IS GROSS AND FULL OF SWEAR WORDS. LOL READ AT YOUR OWN WILL (NO PUN INTENDED))

It was a dark and stormy night. All you could hear were the sounds of the sands blowing off the edges of the dunes and you could only see what the moon silhouetted.

Buttttt, where we were had bright lights, loud music and a whole heap of alcohol. lol.

Our night started early around 5pm. We got to this a lounge called the 360, which by the way is one helluva a walk from the Lobby of Jumirah Hotel and started drinking some champagne and wine. In bromantical fashion, we watched the sunset and got so drunk there we all fell asleep in our booth. When we finally woke up and realized we were cold, we left there and grabbed some grub, and then headed off to a club called Trilogy, where we of course had a some more alcohol – vodka and more champeezy.

Now, Id like to consider myself a champ when it comes to drinking. Id like to think that I would know better than to mix champagne, wine and vodka…but for some reason, I think we were all feeling like Iron Man. lol. We’re away in Dubai, partying in a futuristic civilization in the middle of the desert, we’re young and it was a few days til New Years Eve. “Live it up” said our livers.

So we drank and we drank. I dont think any of us realized how drunk we got until after we left.

It must have been something like 220am when we left the club. We stumbled from the rooftop all the way downstairs and outside to our cab. We all knocked out in the cab.

I dont remember much of the cab ride. But I do remember waking up to Dan saying, “I gotta piss.”

And then I realized “Yo, pull over somewhere. I need to fuckin’ puke.”

But let me just make an important note here, I drink several times a week, usually in large amounts. My tolerance is really high. And I’ve only ever had a hangover like 3 times in my life. lol. So dont judge me and think Im sort of lightweight. lol. I do this!

But anyhow…the cab driver exits the highway and pulls into a gas station. Fresh, Dan and I walked like zombies into the gas station and pretty much charge into the washroom. I can imagine how the gas station attendants and customers must have seen us. lol.

I kick the washroom door in and go right for the sink and start puking my entire life into that sink. I know this is gross, but when I say my life, I mean my fuckin life. lol. I even turn on the water so it can be diluted and go down the drain. That backfired when the contents became chunky. lol.

Dan, not knowing that its a one stall bathroom, kicks in the door from behind me, coming in laughing like a drunk mad man and is like “Damn, thats gross but I gotta fuckin’ piss.”

So he starts pissing in the toilet behind me while Im still puking in the sink.

While he’s pissing, Fresh kicks in the washroom door and is like “Hurry up! I gotta fuckin piss!”

Dan’s laughing and Im still puking and Fresh is disgusted. lol

Dan finishes pissing and Fresh begins to piss. Im still puking.

Now, I dont know if you all know, but beside every single toilet in Dubai is a hose. You can imagine why without me being so blunt…well fuck it, this story is already too gross. The hose is for your ass after you shit. lol.

So Dan, of course decides to pick up the hose and of course Dan decides to spray me at the back of my head while Im puking in the sink. Most of you havent been so unlucky to see me puke, but when I puke, its almost like violent sounding. Like it hurts! And being sprayed by a hose while puking probably isnt the most pleasant thing.

Im telling Dan to stop. But hes drunk and having a blast. lol. I tell him to stop. He wont. Fresh is still pissing and laughing.

lol.

I dont remember this part at all, but the next day the guys told me that what I did was when I told Dan to stop spraying me and he didnt, I put my hands into my puke water, and started splashing puke water at him! lmfao!!! Even I think thats gross and think thats super unbelievable. lol. I dont see why I would have wanted to do that to him, even if I was drunk. Nevermind him having puke on him, I wouldnt even want my hand in it. lol.

So apparently this went on for like 10 seconds and dan was trying to spray away the puke water that was being splashed on him. Fresh laughs and decides to run away before he was caught in the crossfire. So he turns around and runs out the door. Dan gives up and runs out the door and then I run out the door too (of course not before cleaning my hands with antibacterial soap. lol).

Im surprised none of us slipped or fell considering we were standing on wet tiles.

The best part is, when we opened the door, there was a young woman standing right outside, watching the whole thing happen. Imagine that.

A black guy pissing and a Persian guy spraying a hose on an Asian guy puking.

She must have been so lost. First of all, how the hell do u find 3 guys of different races hanging out, then in a washroom together, then doing all that. lol. Man, I wish someone took a pic of that. lol. Where was I when I needed me?! lol

We stomped back into the hotel and passed the fuck out.

The next day Dan calls me “You awake yet?”

“Im fuckin hurting bro. Im fuct.”

“Me too.”

I woke up the next day around 9…not because I had enough rest, but because I had to puke some more. I wont continue the puke story, but lets just say I spent the next 4 hours nauseated and must have hugged that toilet seat about 8 times. You ever been so hung over that you were fuckin sad? lol. That was me. I was like …”my life fuckin sucks right now.” Man, I had my face in that toilet for so long that my knees had carpet burn from the toilet rug. lol. True story.

I just remember Dan telling me the next day about how I splashed puke water on him. Me laughing my ass off cuz I didnt remember it. And him saying its true, cuz he had chunks on his shirt when he got home. lmao.

Its been over a week since this happened and til this day I still cant figure out one thing from this night. The next day when I woke up, I noticed that my hair was super clean. Not to say that I wake up with dirty hair all the time or something. But I know I had gel in my hair from the night before, but somehow there was no gel in my hair at all. Its not even like some parts were crispy cuz it had some gel and some of it was washed out by the hose…my hair was clean! Like clean, clean. Like it was shampoo’d clean.

And I didnt recall showering the night before.

So who the hell washed my hair? lol

I was also in a brand new white tee and fresh boxers. lol.

I know none of the guys did it for sure…for several reasons, but the main reason being that I stomped out of that cab before anyone else and basically ran to my hotel room. lol.

I remember spending the entire morning trying to figure out who the hell washed my hair…it might have been me though. I probably came home, poo’d and then got to lazy to wipe my ass and ended up showering. lmfao. Sounds gross, but I dont care. lol. Judge if you want.

I know this story is gross and embarrassing as shit and most people wouldnt write or tell this story and then post it on the internet, but life is full of random, stupid and hilarious moments. No matter how this makes me look, I think its worth a good laugh. I dont want to just post cool things all the time. I want the stupid stories too.

I hope you enjoyed my nonsense.

lol

Good day.