I think I grew up watching one too many Chow Yun Fat and Van Damme movies growing up.
I used to watch the movies imagining that I was the star action hero and I was able to go through armies of enemies, taking them out with a whole artillery of weapons on my belt or with my bare hands.
Until this day, I have never owned a weapon and I have never taken any sort of martial arts classes.
But Ive seen Double Impact and a shit load of Hong Kong Triad movies and I always felt that that was adequate training in case I was to be in trouble. lol

I forgot what movie I watched as a kid, but I seen this one move where the dude was put in a headlock and he escaped by wrapping his leg around his opponents, like kind of hook it, kick hard forwards while hooked and quickly fling your body backwards to trip them. If all works well, they should have released you from your headlock and thats when you go all Blood Sport on their monkey ass! lol.

I was so confident in this move that I used to go around the school yard trying to pick fights…or at least making people put me into headlocks. lol. Trust me, I look like a really nice guy now, but I was a rascal growing up. lol.

Before I get into this story, let me just introduce the characters first.

So there was this kid named Minh, a small lil Vietnamese kid who lived in the building across from me. I think he was my best friend or something. He wrote me a Christmas card one year…apparently his parents made him give it to me. lol

Then there was this Yugoslavian kid that I didnt like. I dont remember his name, but lets just name him Spanky for now. I have no beef with Yugoslavian people, just to clear that up. Spanky on the other hand was the most annoying kid ever. Like you know the kids who would just be annoying and taunting you the whole time just to get your attention? Yea, that was him.

Anyways, so one day while I was walking home with Minh I seen Spanky across the street, and as expected, he started taunting me.

I dont remember what he said exactly, but Im sure I responded with something like…Ill kick your ass. lol

But today, Spanky felt extra gangster because today Spanky was walking home with a kid in grade 7. I might have been in grade 4 or 5, but I could have cared less. Im always down to throw down. lol.

Lets call Spanky’s home boy, Buddy Ralph. lol.

As we were shouting back to each other from across the street, Spanky says he’s going to get Buddy Ralph to beat me up. So I said cool. I mean, why would I be scared if knew how to escape a headlock? (As if headlocks were the only offensive move someone could make on you. lol. So I called Buddy Ralph over to do something to me if he was a G…or something along those lines. Buddy Ralph comes stomping over through the slush and makes his way over to me. Now, I dont know if it was because it was winter or if I was scared, but I sure remember shivering a little bit. Buddy ralph was at least a foot taller than me and maybe another 50lbs heavier, and when you’re in grade 4 or 5, thats a pretty big deal. lol

I dont remember what we said to eachother while we were standing face to face, but knowing myself, I must have said a nasty ass your mama joke!  lol. He pushes me. Unfortunately for him, I was one of those kids who never pushed back if I was pushed. Im the ‘Start’ button, so you push me, ouu baby, you know we about to play and I come out swinging. lol. I let the first hammer swing. It connects! I go for the next punch, I have no idea what happens next in this story, but I know I ended up in a headlock. lol

Woohoo!!! Exactly what I wanted…or so I thought anyways.

I quickly got into position and hooked onto his leg. In my head Im thinking, Buddy Ralph has no idea what hes about to get into.

So I kick his foot out and then jerk my body backwards to try to flip him so he would release me upon impact…but he didnt budge. I tried to jump backwards while in the headlock and legs hooked again didnt work. It was then I realized that this move doesnt work on people who are that much bigger than you.

Now Im like, holy fuckin shit balls, what the hell am I going to do? I only know one move! lol.

I have no idea what happens next, but I remember him having my head in a leg lock. lol. So sad.

I wasnt really choking, but it was hard to breathe and I was getting cold laying there in the snow. I had no idea how to escape because Van Damme’s never been stuck in a leglock…So I quickly looked around, trying to find anything, and I mean anything that could break me out of this hold right now. Fortunately for me, he had me in a headlock in a parkinglot and my head was right beside a car.

Behold! What do I see???

An icicle!!!

lol. Im my mind, Im thinking, if I stab this guy with it, he’s going to bleed so much, the ambulance is going to have to save him. And Ill probably go to jail for murder…in grade 4 or 5. lol

But right now, it was either death or jail…I said jail.

So I grabbed the icicle and then Spanky’s like “Oh no! Buddy Ralph! He’s got an icicle! Watch out!’

Minh’s like ‘Dont do it! You’ll kill him!’

But I didnt care…it was me or him…but I have no mercy, so we knew what the obvious choice was going to be.

Buddy Ralph tightens the leglock when he sees the icicle in my hand…but its not tight enough to stop me.

I raise my arm with the sharp ass icicle in my hand, and then with all my power, I stab his leg!!!

And he bled everywhere and died!!!

…

Ok, what really happened was when the icicle hit him, it shattered into pieces…and so did my heart. lmfao.

What a loser I am.

I remember Spanky laughing at me and me being super annoyed that that happened even though Ive seen Steven Siegal stab someone with an icicle before…stupid Hollywood.

I have no idea how the fight ends, but Im pretty sure I won and beat him up. lol.